The Call

Ever since I was younger, I've heard stories about God "calling" people to do things. Usually, these are things I would never ever dream of doing - moving halfway around the world to do mission work in a third world country, leaving everything you've ever known in order to pursue a new career path, things like that. Those people who tour the country giving speeches in churches and colleges about their "calling" have always been distant to me. Like watching a TV show where you're involved for the duration of the show, but you know it's not real. That's what God's calling felt like to me. Mostly because I had never felt that calling, and I think that's because God knows I am just not the sort of person who can go outside of my comfort zone.

I've had ambitions and dreams my whole life, but I've never felt that calling that so many people talk about. I've always said I believe everything happens for a reason, and God knows that I am so stubborn, He sometimes has to close every other door in order to get me to go where I'm supposed to go. I can look back on my life so far kind of like How I Met Your Mother: if A hadn't happened, then B wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have C. Almost every bad or challenging time in my life has served an obvious purpose for a later time in my life, and I love that I can so clearly see God's faithfulness, even in the little things.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I'm also just trying to get all my thoughts out right now. I've been feeling my own calling for a while, and I'm finally at that point where I'm thinking, "Okay God, if this is what I'm supposed to do, make it happen. There's no way this is happening on my own." It's a hard thing for me to pray, because I am a Doer. If I want it, I go after it, so to feel drawn towards something that has no visible path in sight is a little foreign to me. I've kind of drifted throughout my life, flitting from one hobby to the next, doing whatever I want to do. Want to learn sign language? Okay. Want to get a master's degree? Why not? When I want to do something, I do it, but this is something that is much bigger than I am.

Giving up control is a hard thing, but I have a peace about this. I don't think I have this calling for no reason, and I don't think it's an idea that I put in my own head. I have no other explanation for this other than The Calling. 

Lord, I pray that Your will be done.