I tell people that marriage makes problems worse. When you live with someone and know that they have committed to you through thick and thin, it makes things a lot more real and raw. I don't mean this in a bad way at all. If you have problems before marriage, they will probably not get better just because you put a ring on it. If you dislike things about your partner, marriage will not make you magically like those things. And a lot of things change after the I Dos! Here is my (lighthearted) list of what changes after the honeymoon is over...
1. Taking couple selfies every day
I totally admit that I used to take selfies with husband back when he was boyfriend. They weren't even selfies with cool things in the background or in funny poses, just pictures of our faces taking up the entire frame at hockey games, family outings, or just hanging out on the couch. It was part of my way of saying "look how cute we are and how much we hang out!" And I know I'm not the only one guilty of this! But once you get married, people obviously assume you hang out with your spouse. Except for our honeymoon selfies, I've barely taken any compared to how many I took before we got married! I've noticed most married couples really tone down the selfies after they get married also.
2. Cute texts
Pre-marriage, I would text boyfriend "have a good day, I love you and miss you!!" with eight or nine heart emojis at the end. After marriage? "Did you pick up milk?" "What sounds good for dinner?" I actually saw a Buzzfeed video about this very phenomenon. Married-people-texts are 90% informational and 10% romantic.
3. Hand-holding in stores
We still do this, but not nearly as much. When we went grocery shopping before we got married, we would wander the aisles with our fingers intertwined and have cutesy conversations about our favorite cereals. After marriage, it's a divide and conquer situation. "You grab the bread, I'll grab the crackers... and BREAK!"
4. Dating
We still go on dates and we make time for each other, but it's in a very different way. Now, the time I look forward to is laying in bed together before we fall asleep, talking and joking with each other. We don't go out for fancy dinners as much because we aren't trying to impress each other, and because we have a mortgage now ;) dates involve watching Netflix with the cat or chatting while I fold laundry. It's not a bad change, it's just different than before. But as a self-proclaimed homebody, I have absolutely no problems with sitting at home with my better half after a long day at work!
5. SSB
Sex and the City has a whole episode revolving around Secret Single Behavior, or the things that you do when you're single that you would never do in front of someone you're casually dating. In marriage, or at least in our marriage, the SSB is no longer Secret. There is still some mystery to each other, like we don't use the bathroom with the door open. But husband knows way more about my body than I ever thought I would be comfortable sharing even a year ago, thanks to my recent sicknesses. Living with someone who you know won't judge you for various Secret Behaviors really breaks down those walls. With all of the times husband has peeled me off the bathroom floor in the last three months, there's no point in being shy around him anymore!
6. Social media posts
You know those couples that always upload cutesy Tumblr quotes and tag their bf/gf? Or the couples that check themselves and their bf/gf in at every place they go? "BF and GF are at McDonald's! BF and GF are at the gas station!" Living with a person cuts down on the check-in opportunities. Monday: "husband and wife are at home!" Tuesday: "husband and wife are at home!" It's much less exciting. And as I mentioned before, people kiiiinda expect you to be hanging out together.
7. Looking cute
Not to say that you don't want to look cute for your spouse, but when they still love you after a three day bout with the flu or after seeing you first thing in the morning every day for a year, the pressure to look perfect every single day is really lessened. My husband and I hang out together at home with me in sweatpants and him in basketball shorts, and it's much more gratifying than the days where I spent hours trying to look perfect just to go run errands.
8. Tagging along with your spouse
When we were dating, I had serious FOMO (fear of missing out) with regards to boyfriend's life. Every single time he had something going on, I wanted to go too. Now that he comes home to me every night, I'm perfectly fine with missing a work party or dinner when I have something else going on. We have things going on together and separately and it has done wonders for our relationship! Having separate interests means you actually have things to talk about!
Marriage is so, so hard, but also the most fun thing I've ever done in my life.
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