Anxiety

I’m having so much anxiety about my appointment with the surgeon in two days. I’m so afraid he’s going to tell me he’s not doing surgery and I’ll just have to live like this. No one can tell me for sure what’s wrong, but this is the best guess and I’m afraid it won’t be enough to go off of. I feel like I’m losing myself. I can’t focus or concentrate and I’ve missed out on basically the last year of my life. You know when dogs get really old and cranky and they snap at everyone and their owner is like “just ignore them, they’re old and sore”? I feel like that dog. I snap at everyone, I have no patience for anything, and my main goal is just to make it through the day so I can go home. It constantly feels like I’m on the verge of a panic attack just from thinking about how miserable I am. I really do try to not bring it up around people unless it’s necessary and I really try to not have a pity party for myself, but it’s consuming my whole life. I’m afraid to go anywhere or do anything or eat anything because I know I’ll end up regretting it. I feel like I’ve lost every part of myself that was ever pleasant or good and now I’m just trying to make it.