Honest answer: I knew the first time we ever had a conversation that there was something special about him. I won't say I knew he was The One, but I knew that my feelings for him were like nothing else I'd ever known. I knew within two weeks that I was going to marry him. Not in an "I'm desperate for a husband and he will work" kind of way, but in a way that felt like I was finally complete.
The above quote is exactly it. It wasn't a chick flick moment where the heavens opened up and everything was in slow motion. I just knew he was the missing part of me.
The difficult part is getting from the "nice to meet you" to the "I do". It's hard. Really, really hard. And just when you think you have it figured out, you get married and it becomes so. much. harder. It's hard when the person you know and love more than anyone else is being hard to love - and I'm speaking from both sides of this statement. I'm very hard to love sometimes and I'm thankful every day for my husband's strengths that perfectly match my weaknesses. As much as you may want to change your partner, you won't change who they fundamentally are, and I love that my husband is patient when I am not, that he is careful when I am reckless, and that he is sure when I am faltering. I may want to change his snoring or messy laundry habits, and he may want to change my penchant for filling up the DVR with ABC Family movies, but what makes us work is that I love and respect the things that make him who he is, and he has the same attitude towards me.
If you want to marry your partner because they are physically attractive or because all your friends are getting married or because you think you've been dating long enough, marriage isn't for you. If you want to get married because you think it'll fix your relationship problems or keep your partner from leaving, marriage REALLY isn't for you. I say this in the most positive way possible - marriage makes your problems worse. Spoiler alert: If you have ever thought "I can't wait to get married so (s)he will stop doing such-and-such", they keep doing such-and-such ever after you're married. Marriage does not change who your partner is, and if you love them enough to commit your life to them, you shouldn't want it to. Marriage isn't magical fairy dust that transforms this person into who you want them to be. If you're marrying them, you know who they are and how they act or react to situations, and putting a ring on it does not change anything in those situations. How they are now is how they will continue to be after the honeymoon wears off.
Another spoiler alert: When you're mad at your spouse, you don't get to storm off and post on Facebook about what a jerk they are, because you took vows to honor and respect that person. {Nothing is more disrespectful to me than a person who constantly posts statuses or tweets about their partner's shortcomings or mistakes or stupid actions.} You get to sit there and work it out because this is what you promised to do.
When you're married, you compromise on a lot of things you don't really want to compromise on. When you're first dating and you throw out the puppy dog face to get your way, that's all fine and cute. When you're married, ain't nobody got time for that. On the flip side of that, if your relationship is always about who's "winning", you will not find marriage to be easy. My husband and I don't keep track of who "wins" arguments or compromises because I would rather be wrong and have a peaceful marriage than always be right and live in a tension-filled house. It also means deferring to your partner on issues where you are wrong, and that can be a big blow to perfectionist, type-A personalities like myself. I don't like being wrong or looking to someone else to take the lead, but I've learned that the outcome is infinitely better when my husband handles certain things and I am now glad to let him do so. Marriage isn't for the egotistical.
It's a lot of trial and error. It's a lot of making mistakes and apologies and learning as we go. And it's incredibly difficult, even when you're married to the most wonderful person alive. {Which I am.} As of tomorrow, we have been married four months, so I am not claiming to be an expert. I'm just sharing a glimpse of what makes us tick. You have to do things you don't want to do and push through things when you know it would be easier to give up. But it's always worth it if you have a relationship that is mutually healthy and respectful.
My husband makes me the best possible version of me. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He is the reason I keep going when I just want to quit. I never really understood the phrase "my better half" until I met him. He is my other half, the yin to my yang, but he's a far better person than I am. We've had our bumps in the road, but we are learning how to do marriage one day at a time.
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