Oscars!

I will willingly admit that prior to this year, I had never seen more than one Best Picture nominee when Oscar season rolled around, and I really only watched to see the fashions or to see if the Disney film of the year would win anything. {The Tony Awards, on the other hand, I will watch every single year, beginning to end.} But I'm taking a film class this semester, and one requirement is watching every film nominated for Best Picture. I cringed at first, since I haven't historically been a fan of the Best Picture nominees, but this year wasn't so bad!

The Grand Budapest Hotel: Kind of an odd film. The cinematography is absolutely stunning, but the plot is strange. It reminds me of Moulin Rouge in that the storyline is interesting enough, but the way the characters are portrayed and the way the film is directed really has an impact on how the story comes across. I give it an overall 8/10.

Birdman: This is such an indie film, but the thing that sets it apart is that it seems to be all one shot. Since it's a movie about a play, it kind of makes sense to never cut away, and gives it a really two-dimensional feel. It's got a lot of dark and dry humor, but also has some absolutely incredible acting. Overall, 9/10.

Boyhood: This movie took 12 years to make! They filmed once a week every year for 12 years, so you actually see the characters grow up in front of you. It's not got much of a plot, but it does go through the ups and downs of an ordinary family and is a good commentary on family life. Overall rating is 8/10.

Imitation Game: I liked the story, but the film was a bit too slow for my taste. Benedict Cumberbatch absolutely earned his Best Actor nomination, and his performance alone makes the film worth seeing, but make sure you pick a day where you aren't tired or preoccupied, because your mind will probably wander during the slower moments. Overall, 7/10.

American Sniper: This was a hard one for me to sit through. It was so realistic that watching people get killed, even though they are just actors, tugged on my heartstrings. I was super hesitant to watch this movie because I knew I would end up crying, and I think my cry count was 3 by the time the movie was over - if you count crying through the last 10 minutes as one cry. Definitely a good pick for my fellow troop-supporting, America-loving, freedom-appreciating, proud Americans. But it's not for the faint of heart, and I was a little disturbed by how many kids there were in the theater. Rating is 9/10.

Selma: Another film where I liked the story but was bored through most of the film. It's obviously a very historically important film, and a story that needs to be told, but I couldn't get into it until the last half hour or so. The use of footage from Martin Luther King's speeches and marches at the end really helped bring it home for me. Rating is 7/10.

The Theory of Everything: Before I saw this movie, I didn't really know much about or care much about Stephen Hawking. All I knew was that he's the super-smart guy in the wheelchair who's been on The Big Bang Theory a couple of times. I am so glad that I had to watch this film for class, and it's in my top 3 favorites from the Oscar contenders this year. The movie is beautifully done and Eddie Redmayne knocks it out of the park as Hawking. Even if you think you won't like it, because I didn't, I would recommend you give it a try. It's a great love story, if nothing else! Rating: 8/10.

Whiplash: This is a tricky one, because it's about a drummer at a music conservatory. Being a musician and being married to a musician who professionally teaches music, the husband and I had a lot of issues with the accuracy of this film. We spent a lot of time scoffing at little things and rolling our eyes at big things. But putting our music snob tendencies aside, it really is worth watching. It's beautifully done and the end makes you feel happy in your soul. Rating: 9/10

The Call

Ever since I was younger, I've heard stories about God "calling" people to do things. Usually, these are things I would never ever dream of doing - moving halfway around the world to do mission work in a third world country, leaving everything you've ever known in order to pursue a new career path, things like that. Those people who tour the country giving speeches in churches and colleges about their "calling" have always been distant to me. Like watching a TV show where you're involved for the duration of the show, but you know it's not real. That's what God's calling felt like to me. Mostly because I had never felt that calling, and I think that's because God knows I am just not the sort of person who can go outside of my comfort zone.

I've had ambitions and dreams my whole life, but I've never felt that calling that so many people talk about. I've always said I believe everything happens for a reason, and God knows that I am so stubborn, He sometimes has to close every other door in order to get me to go where I'm supposed to go. I can look back on my life so far kind of like How I Met Your Mother: if A hadn't happened, then B wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have C. Almost every bad or challenging time in my life has served an obvious purpose for a later time in my life, and I love that I can so clearly see God's faithfulness, even in the little things.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I'm also just trying to get all my thoughts out right now. I've been feeling my own calling for a while, and I'm finally at that point where I'm thinking, "Okay God, if this is what I'm supposed to do, make it happen. There's no way this is happening on my own." It's a hard thing for me to pray, because I am a Doer. If I want it, I go after it, so to feel drawn towards something that has no visible path in sight is a little foreign to me. I've kind of drifted throughout my life, flitting from one hobby to the next, doing whatever I want to do. Want to learn sign language? Okay. Want to get a master's degree? Why not? When I want to do something, I do it, but this is something that is much bigger than I am.

Giving up control is a hard thing, but I have a peace about this. I don't think I have this calling for no reason, and I don't think it's an idea that I put in my own head. I have no other explanation for this other than The Calling. 

Lord, I pray that Your will be done.

Macaroni Fail

So one of the side effects of this sickness I've been battling is my ridiculous loss of appetite. I'm ordinarily a grazer - I will eat all day, every day if the opportunity strikes. Right now, I'm sustaining mostly on popsicles (made with real fruit so I'm at least getting some nutrients!) and Saltine crackers. Even when I feel hungry, I'll eat a couple bites and feel like I'm going to throw up. It's super fun.

I'm pretty much at the mercy of my cravings right now. You know when you're sick and only one food in the whole world sounds good, so it's all you want to eat? That's been me for the past two weeks. A coworker mentioned mac and cheese earlier, and my brain was like ding ding ding, there's your dinner! So I'm like, okay brain, but I'm not making an entire pot of pasta for myself when I'll probably eat less than five bites.

I remember seeing this delicious-looking thing on Pinterest:

Macaroni in a mug. Sounds perfect. It won't take as much time and effort as making a whole pot of macaroni and if I can't eat much of it, I won't feel as bad tossing it out. So I googled the recipe and it seemed simple enough. Macaroni, shredded colby jack cheese, water, milk. Cool.

The recipe called for a large mug or small bowl in case it overflows. I used this pretty large soup bowl and it still overflowed in my microwave. Luckily, it's just water, but still was annoying to clean up. I don't know how to fix this overflowing problem, so I can't help you there.

You put 1/3 cup of uncooked macaroni noodles in your mug {bowl} along with 1/4 cup + 1/3 cup water, then microwave it for 6 minutes, stirring at 4 minutes, 2 minutes, and 1 minute. When it's finished, you should have fully cooked pasta in a small pool of water. First problem: the water all soaked into the pasta before it was done cooking, which left me with a bowl of sticky, semi-crunchy noodles. {This could've been because I used regular macaroni noodles instead of whole grain noodles, which is what the recipe actually calls for.} I added another 1/4 cup of water and microwaved it for another minute, which made it done enough for me. 

Next, you add 1/3 heaping cup of shredded colby jack cheese, then microwave another 30-45 seconds. The only cheese I could find was colby jack + monterrey cheese, which I thought was good enough. I added the cheese and stirred it up a bit, then microwaved for 45 seconds. When it came out, the cheese was pretty well melted, but stuck to the macaroni like crazy, which made it super thick, and once it cooled, it kind of congealed into one superball of macaroni.

Okay, last step is to add a "splash" of milk. I added probably 1/4 cup and stirred, which did help to break up the cheeseball I now had on my hands, but after a couple of bites, I realized the milk had all absorbed into the pasta and it wasn't enough, so I added another 1/2 cup. That was definitely too much, but I swirled the pasta around for a good 30 seconds to try to dissolve the cheese more. 

The verdict? Not tasty. It was way too cheesy, but not creamy at all. It was like cooking pasta noodles, rolling them around in shredded cheese, and dousing the whole thing in water. Second of all, I thought this would make one cute little mug just for me. Nope, this practically filled up the entire bowl. 1/3 cup of pasta would in no way fit into a standard mug. It was dry and chewy, and I only managed about three bites before I dumped it down the disposal. 

I would recommend this method if you are cooking pasta for one, but I would play around with the recipe a bit more. Colby jack + monterrey was not good. I like a softer cheesy taste with my macaroni and this cheese was too sharp for my taste. If you're planning on cooking macaroni for more than one person, don't bother doing individual mugs. Just make a pot.

As a redemption, here is the recipe my mom has used since I was a baby, and it's still the best mac and cheese I've ever had. {sorry, Panera.} 

• Cook macaroni completely in a pot of boiling water.
• Add just enough milk to where the pasta absorbs it and you don't have any remaining in the pot. It's pretty easy to eyeball it if you stir as you pour.
• Add in as much or as little Velveeta cheese as you want, then add a spoonful of butter. I usually do three parts cheese to one part butter, but again, eyeballing it is usually best.
• Stir till it all melts.

Seriously, the best comfort food ever. Cheesy, creamy, and not too overpowering. I think I will be using my tried-and-true homecooked recipe from now on.

Quarantine

The past couple of weeks have been a crazy, sickly mess for me! It started about two weeks ago when I woke up early Friday morning and couldn't stop throwing up. I couldn't even keep water down so husband drove me to the doctor. I was still throwing up but they couldn't give me any IV fluids there because they were out of the IV tubing. The doctor told me if I needed fluids I could go to the ER, but I said I'd rather go home and try drinking water again. They took blood and gave me a shot for nausea, but I was so dehydrated that I passed out at some point. When I came to, I couldn't figure out why husband was saying my name over and over and why everyone was staring at me! So at that point, going to the ER was no longer a choice, so they wheeled me out to the car and I was whisked away. It took six different people three hours to finally get an IV started... that was pleasant. They gave me two bags of fluids, tested me for more things (all of which came back normal), and sent me home. I spent the next couple of days in bed, sucking on ice chips and popsicles.

Cut to three days later. I was finally starting to feel normal-ish again. Husband and I even went to see a movie that was required for one of my classes! Everything was great. Until I woke up early Sunday, throwing up again. I puked every 20-30 minutes for about nine hours, and we finally got the on-call doctor at my doctor's office to get me another prescription for anti-nausea medicine. I spent another day in bed and went back to the doctor the next day. They took more blood, everything came back normal, and told me that they wanted to CT my pancreas. Joy.

It's not the flu, it's not anemia, or diabetes, or ebola, or measles, or pregnancy. My hopes aren't high for pancreatitis, either. I'm assuming they will also check out my gallbladder during the CT, and my next thought is to be tested for celiac. The CT scan is tomorrow and my fingers are crossed that I can get some answers. On the bright side, it's only February and we've almost met our deductible!

My appetite is completely gone and I'm surviving on 600 calories a day on a good day, 300 calories on a bad day, if I eat anything at all. I think I ate nothing but Saltine crackers for about 48 hours at one point. I'm sure some people think I am just looking for attention or sympathy with all of the updates I've been posting on Facebook and Instagram, but that's not the case at all. I know there are people praying for me, and I want to give them a specific way to pray for me. I also want to keep people in the loop so I don't get a bunch of different people asking how I'm doing all day. And I'm definitely not looking for attention or sympathy. I would much rather feel like my old self again than feeling like I'm two steps from death at all times. I haven't gone to Zumba in over two weeks, I barely leave the house except to go to work, and all I want to do all day is lay in bed. That's not fun. That's not worth the sympathy. I believe God is taking care of me, and I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm just ready for that reason to reveal itself! :)