Picky Eating

You know those little things that make life easier? I think liking certain foods would make my life easier. I didn’t ask to be a picky eater. I’ve tried to like foods that I, as an adult, am supposed to like, and to no avail. Here is a list of foods that would make my life easier if I liked them.

Seafood. I don’t like any sort of seafood, except for the plain fish from Long John Silver’s, which I do not think actually counts. I’ve tried shrimp, lobster, crab, flounder, catfish, trout, bass, and none of it has appealed to me. I feel like this isn’t terribly uncommon amongst the general population but people still look at me like I’ve committed some sort of felony when I say I don’t like fish. Then they inevitably ask if I’ve tried this sort of fish or that sort of fish and I just don’t like any of it!

Breakfast foods. This includes sausage, biscuits and gravy, eggs, waffles, French toast, and any sort of muffin or breakfast sandwich that combines these things. Eating a continental breakfast when we stay in a hotel is always tricky because usually the only foods they offer are a combination of the above-mentioned foods. I do like pancakes in moderation. Usually I only eat one pancake or maybe one and a half chocolate chip pancakes before I get burnt out. I like cereal, but I’m more partial to kid cereals than adult ones. I mean, who would honestly turn down a bowl of Froot Loops for a bowl of Raisin Bran? But usually when I go places for “breakfast,” that means things I don’t like. I’ve tried to like eggs especially and it just isn’t in the cards for me. This is why I am so partial to Village Inn. They have a “build your own breakfast” option and I get hashbrowns and bacon.

Coffee. I like frappacinos, which is really not “coffee,” but it’s the only coffee I can stand. Even though it’s 75% sugar and chocolate and 25% coffee.

Whipped cream. I don’t get whipped cream on my frapps or on my ice cream because I think it is nasty.

Cotton candy. It is also nasty.

Pie. I don’t like ANY KIND OF PIE. People always say “but what about APPLE?” or “but what about KEY LIME?” No. None pie.

Hot wings. I cannot even begin to describe the backlash I’ve gotten from my dislike for hot wings. People apparently view disliking hot wings as one step above murder.

Tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumbers, and peppers. For some reason, I am not a proper adult because I do not like these foods, but I have never liked these foods and I do not understand why I am the weirdo for not enjoying squishy, slimy vegetables in my mouth.

Beer. I cannot and do not drink alcohol anymore, but when I did, I never cared for beer. I don’t think that beer is a very girly drink so I don’t know why people were so surprised that I preferred drinks made out of fruit.

Foods that taste like other foods. Take your birthday cake-flavored ice cream and your chicken and waffles-flavored chips elsewhere. I don't trust foods that try to be other foods.

In high school, I had a pepperoni Hot Pocket nearly every day for lunch, so I've never been very adventurous with my culinary choices. I could probably eat a PB&J or mac and cheese for every meal and be a-okay with it. But other people are definitely not okay with it, given the "adult" foods that people tell me I should like!